Dear Personal Trainer,

It’s a good thing we set this plan in motion two weeks ago.  That gave me plenty of time to process through some stuff.  Haha. I have really been aware of my resistance and emotions.  In all honesty,  I have not been totally compliant with my recommended cardio or my food journal.  At first I felt guilty, as I thought about your asking about my committment level.  I could “feel” your judgement about my “lack of effort”.  Then I realized… oh, that’s your shit Diane, not hers.  I was projecting.  After all, any judgement is self-judgement. 

One of the things I love about you is that I can be honest with you.  I can tell you how many times I have already cussed, and we haven’t even hit the gym together yet.  Hehehe.  As I told you then, I am committed, just severely triggered.  I can tell you that I am scared because you are about to kick my ass in a few hours.  Not really afraid, but the vulnerable, exposed kind of nervous.  I can tell you how excited I am to think about how much I will learn and how good I will feel.  I can tell you that I love knowing I can say what is on my mind, or not be too embarrassed by tears that will come.   I can tell you that the “magic number” (weight) that we talked about for my goal intimidates the pee out of me.  I love the idea of it, and believe that it is possible… I just can’t even remember only weighing 175.  As I told you, I remember being a size 14 when I was 14… and then the sizes just kept getting bigger. 

Eff that, I don’t need it.  Don’t need that kind of “safety” and “security” any more.  Don’t need to hold on to anger or resentments.  I am ready to let it go.  For good this time.  Thank you for being there to inspire and support me on this journey.

Love, Diane     

Ok, for those who aren’t my personal trainer…. here’s the skinny.  Pun intended.  My heaviest was just under 300.  Then I dropped down to about 230.  Two weeks ago I stepped on the scale and read 257.  As many, I am not really much of a scale person.  I am more aware of my clothing size.  So let’s go again.  Largest was 26/28 bottom & 22/24 top.  Early last year I was down to a 18/20 bottom & 14/16 top.  Now I am stretching them tight or into a size up.  So.. it is time to make some changes.  

Enter Body360Studios and Lori Boyd, an integral part of this new phase.  I feel blessed.